Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Louisiana: a state of Menopause

This morning started out muggy. Louisiana mornings usually start out muggy, but this one was muggy and seemed as though the mugginess just sat. Stagnant. That's annoying. Ok, so this morning was muggy. This afternoon was sunshine...Yep, sunshine and springtime. Thought I'd go ahead and mow the weeds, blow off the driveway and begin springtime prep. Now, us here in the south get this yellow-spore-death-crap called Pollen. Also annoying. See, whenever you decide to venture outside and breathe, even slightly, this pollen gets sucked up your nose, takes the elevator to your chest, eyeballs and brain and camps out. You can't breathe, you can't see straight, and your brain starts to feel as if it's deteriorating. This afternoon, between clients I did yard work and now I want to die. It's that simple. Happens that fast. My yard attire consisted of a ball cap, celeb-jumbo sunnies and a dental mask...so I basically mowed my yard lookin like your average, everyday bank robber. Sketchy.
Now, after the morning mugginess and the afternoon pollen dust bowl, the sky felt bad, so it decided to rain. Well, see here's the thing about pollen: there is no good news. When it rains, it just dispurses the spores or something and apparently kills you quicker. I'm quite convinced that my life expectancy just deteriorated a good 6 months. The one good thing about it *raining* though is the fact that anyone Louisiana hostage...I mean resident, knows that when the rain comes the weather changes. The boot state is in a perpetual state of menopause. It rains, a cold front comes in, then we have a hot flash, then we  experience a freeze-out and the whole darn state shuts down, only before yet again, rain comes and brings the yellow-spore-death plague...SOMEBODY GIVE THIS STATE SOME HORMONES!! Sheesh!
Aside from all that, I come inside, plop down on my death bed and my air conditioner starts making loud noises and ceases to function properly. I think I need a vacation.

No comments:

Post a Comment