Louisiana: a state of Menopause

This morning started out muggy. Louisiana mornings usually start out muggy, but this one was muggy and seemed as though the mugginess just sat. Stagnant. That's annoying. Ok, so this morning was muggy. This afternoon was sunshine...Yep, sunshine and springtime. Thought I'd go ahead and mow the weeds, blow off the driveway and begin springtime prep. Now, us here in the south get this yellow-spore-death-crap called Pollen. Also annoying. See, whenever you decide to venture outside and breathe, even slightly, this pollen gets sucked up your nose, takes the elevator to your chest, eyeballs and brain and camps out. You can't breathe, you can't see straight, and your brain starts to feel as if it's deteriorating. This afternoon, between clients I did yard work and now I want to die. It's that simple. Happens that fast. My yard attire consisted of a ball cap, celeb-jumbo sunnies and a dental mask...so I basically mowed my yard lookin like your average, everyday bank robber. Sketchy.

Now, after the morning mugginess and the afternoon pollen dust bowl, the sky felt bad, so it decided to rain. Well, see here's the thing about pollen: there is no good news. When it rains, it just dispurses the spores or something and apparently kills you quicker. I'm quite convinced that my life expectancy just deteriorated a good 6 months. The one good thing about it *raining* though is the fact that anyone Louisiana hostage...I mean resident, knows that when the rain comes the weather changes. The boot state is in a perpetual state of menopause. It rains, a cold front comes in, then we have a hot flash, then we  experience a freeze-out and the whole darn state shuts down, only before yet again, rain comes and brings the yellow-spore-death plague...SOMEBODY GIVE THIS STATE SOME HORMONES!! Sheesh!

Aside from all that, I come inside, plop down on my death bed and my air conditioner starts making loud noises and ceases to function properly. I think I need a vacation.

Old, Fat and Stupid

It all started at Amanda's. I blame Amanda. (No, not really, but you get the gist). 

It's been YEARS since I had played on a Wii, and this past weekend I was at Amanda's and she asked me to dance. On the Wii. I never thought I was cool enough to dance on a Wii before, but I sure as heck wasn't passing up the opportunity! It was a blast! 

That's why I blame Amanda. 

That next morning I went over to the big house (aka mom-n-dad's) to take THEIR Wii off their hands- brought it home, hooked it up, boom...I was 20 again. Well, eventually those games got boring, so went to Walmart to pick out the Dance game. This was so exciting! I had never in my LIFE bought a video game before! Wasn't til I came home, opened it up and slid it in the DVD slot that I realized I had done it wrong. Apparently games with "WiiU" have no working qualities in a plain-jane Wii. Poot. 

Well, here comes the meat to this dish. This morning I had every intention of marching my butt right back to Walmart and exchanging it for something I figured WOULD feed my new obsession. Lady at exchange told me to go to lady at electronics. Ok, no big deal, right? WRONG. Boy, was I wrong. 
FIRST OF ALL...this woman couldn't have smoked any less than the past 40 years of her life, and she was as kind as she was pretty. With the most "you're-wasting-my-time" look on her wrinkly face she exclaimed "You can exchange this for the exact same game, but you opened it, so no refunds." 
Me: "I'm sorry, I've never done this before, and I had no idea this wouldn't work for my particular console." 
The Hag: "Well OBVIOUSLY it has a 'U' on there, so you ain't gonna be able ta use it." 
Now, this woman was about one eye-roll away from makin' a little Baptist cuss, so I took the stupid game from her hands and walked off. 

How humiliating.

*I JUST WANNA DANCE DADGUMMIT!*

So, this afternoon I was determined to make things right one way or the other, so per request of a client, I ran over to Game Exchange (genius, right? Why didn't *I* think of that? Oh yeah, because I was a dumbass who didn't know a "U" from a hole-in-the-ground. Right.)
Anyway, walked in, explained how I had never bought a game before and apparently did it wrong, so I needed an exchange. Cool. Decided on the WiiFit. Hey, right up my ally. Got the foot pad and game and headed back home. I had another hour before my next client, so I thought I'd set it up and give this one a shot. 

Here we go...

It worked! Hallelujah! Started on the body tests....which were kinda confusing, but I got through them. At the end...after all I had been through...after all the stress, and humiliation...this thing calculated that my body was overweight and I had the balance and coordination of a 40-year-old. 

EXCUSE ME?!?

Ok, so let's recap:
1. I'm stupid because I don't know how to buy a video game.
2. I'm screwed because I can't exchange it.
3. I'm old because I have no balance and coordination.
4. I'm overweight because my BMI is SOL. 

Think that about covers it. 

Look, I make "fat girl" jokes about myself because I think they're funny, but when you're standing on some battery-powered "Fit pad" and you actually see the word "overweight" on your stats, spit gets real. 

If anyone needs me I'll be in my house sittin, drinkin a coke on this here dern "fit pad." 

Confessions of Betty Crocker's alleged step-child

I am no chef. My mother was as close to a professional chef as anyone else I was related to...and that says a lot! I guess growing up, I never really felt the need to try my hand in the kitchen too much, unless it was to clean up. Even then....good luck with that! Anyway, my little sister got the culinary skills. And the body. And the smile. And the brains....and my brother makes awesome fried rice....but this, for a change, is about me.

It's been almost 7 months since I've moved into my house. Since that time I've had wood floors put down, helped pick out furniture, paint colors, and even a mount for my deer I shot this past January...on top of paying bills, starting and terminating a personal business mistake known as the "cosmetic catastrophe." A real "Financial Failure at it's Finest..." Yeah, that was rough. On top of ALL-A-DAT, I've had to spend some time in the kitchen. (feel free to "boo.") Thankfully, though, I've had very few, minor mishaps. Tonight was a success, I think. I made a sweet potato dish with vanilla, butter, heavy cream, and even added a little cinnamon and sugar for my own touch. Serving with cool whip.....and ta-daa! Dessert! We'll see how the staff likes it tomorrow at our Thanksgiving lunch. I'm a little nervous. Satchel liked it...so that's one stamp of approval! If the staff likes it tomorrow, I'll make it for the fam. Not sure which group is gonna be better at lying to my face, so this outta be interesting!

If I've learned anything growing up about cooking...wash the dishes right then! Don't wait til the morning, or that next week. Junk sticks! Then it's a pain in the hoo-haa to get out! So, right now I'm just sitting here while the dish washer runs, about to throw some wet clothes in the dryer and call it a night. Tomorrow's a big day for these smushy sweet potatoes, and I have to be on top of my game!

Positive, Productive Perspective

There's always an awkward phase of life.....starting at age 13. When you reach junior high your hormones are all out of whack, face breaks out, can't talk to boys, the whole bit. Then high school...no date to prom, mad because you didn't make homecoming court, tripped on the football field, the whole nine yards (yes, pun intended). College...you're learning who you are, who you want to be, and better yet...who you DON'T want to be. Then your friends start getting married and you don't. They start having kids and you don't. It can make your head spin when you think about it too hard.

I have a more positive, productive, if you will, method of thinking. Sure, I have to continually remind myself, but it's getting to be second nature. See, I just bought a house a few months ago. It's probably the biggest "permanent" move I've ever made, so needless to state....I'm excited about it! I'm fixing it up with much-needed help from mom, and even had a housewarming last weekend where I quickly learned that I cannot fit more than 25 people in my house at one time, but I digress. While most of my friends are getting married, buying houses, cars, and raising a family...I'm doing all this for ME. Now, I haven't completely lost all hope of possibly having a family of my own down the line, so this time I have to myself, I'm gonna TAKE. I'm seizing every opportunity I can. In April, I went skydiving in Tallahassee right after I bought my house, I got to start buying furniture all by myself, I started my own Mary Kay business last week...all by myself, it's actually been very good! The good Lord also knows things could get lonely living in a house all alone, so He brought me Satchel, my tabby :) He's pretty much my pal! All of these blessings I am looking at as my "Me Time:" an extended period of which I am entitled to do and act as I please. Selfish? Certainly not! Both of my jobs are centered around selflessness, which has taken me straight to the chiropractor, but regardless, this is just time I can spend not having to check with anyone before I pick out bed spreads or floor lamps. I'm really enjoying it, actually.

So while my precious friends are making their way towards grandkids, I'm making my way towards buying myself a jeep again :) Maybe one day I'll be driving my 2-year-old in that jeep, but for now, I'm going to soak up the moments and embrace the possibilities. Leib deine Traume!

My first home sweet home!

I signed on a house today!! This is by-far the biggest step I've ever taken on my own! Of course I'm not COMPLETELY on my own...but I'm going to signings, meetings and appointments by myself. Mom and Dad are here if I have personal questions, and my real estate agent and mortgage broker are here to make sure I don't fall flat on my face. Thank God for them!
When I tell people I have no furniture....I really don't even think I have SPOONS! Sure, I have my bedroom stuff, but that's one room in my whole house. MY house :) I love saying that! Now, I've got plenty of friends and family wanting to throw house-warmings and poundings....so I'm not too worried about it I guess. The good thing is I'm going to have money left over after my down payment and the little bit of my closing cost I have to pay. At least I won't be starting off with NOTHING.
I feel like such a grown-up! This is a big deal for me...and stressful....yet I know it's going to be worth it! God has definitely been apart of this process, of that I'm positive! These past 3 days have been a light work schedule, so I've had time to meet with people, sign what needs to be signed, etc. Yesterday mom found a Kenmore washer/dryer set at Rolling Hills thrift store for $50 each! Really?!?!?!? That doesn't just HAPPEN. Work has provided me with plenty of moving boxes, too. Everything has been falling together nicely so-far. Now, these next 30 days are gonna be long and probably stressful, but I've got a timeline from my agent being e-mailed to me today, so at least I'll have an idea of what needs to get done when. I'm so excited, nervous, scared, and blessed!!

Ich lerne Deutsch.

11 months ago, for some ungodly reason, I decided I wanted to learn German. To be honest, the reason I wanted to learn in the first place was because of the Goldfinger version of "99 Red Balloons." I always laughed at the German part because the words sounded funny. Well, one day I actually looked up what those words meant, and they made me laugh. From then on, I've kinda fallen in love with all that "hacking and gaging" in the language. It's funny, but I really feel like there is some deeper reason, other than just infatuation, that I'm supposed to learn this stuff.
It's kinda fun learning a language that not many people (at all) know in this area.....but on the other hand, it kinda sucks because there's nobody to converse with. I bought a Rosetta Stone back in April and I haven't turned back since. There were a few weeks I spent about 3 hours a day on the program! One of these days I would love to go to Germany or Switzerland, but for right now, I just want to learn for myself. And my future dog.
Yeah, one of these days, after I buy a house, I want a Weimaraner. I'm going to teach him German commands. I'd like to just speak German in my home...and kinda talk to myself all day long. I know that sounds a little crazy, but the more I speak it the faster it will sink in....and I gotta talk to someone. It's a dream, so we'll see...but as for right now, I'm still learning.

Sports analyst

Today my brother hit the first home run of the season as a Senior at Cedar Creek, and Tuesday pitched an entire game only allowing 3 hits. Now, to say I'm proud.....is the understatement of the year! I'm beyond elated!! Here's the conclusion I came to over this: Mallory, Lane and I are TOTALLY different!

I played golf in high school and college. Now, I played piano and sang too, but golf was my main sport. Mallory was the straight-A homecoming queen, cheerleader, and captain of the cross country team. Lane=baseball. He's a big hunter, but baseball is his sport. Mal and I did sports that were either not spectator-friendly, or she was cheering on other sports. Lane is really the only name between the three of us that's cheered FROM the stands. Tuesday night I noticed a lot of Cedar Creek fans cheering his name. That really hit me.

It's pretty rare that three siblings in one family fill in each other's "gaps" like we do. In high school we would go to baseball games to see Lane play, football games to see Mallory cheer, and at least mom would go to some of my high school golf tournaments....but she mostly came to my college rounds. This may not seem like a hill-a-beans to anyone else, but I'm an analyzer, and stuff like this intrigues me.

Yeah, it sucked not getting to the game in time to see Lane's bomb over left field fence, but I'm so pumped for him! This is his last year to play high school ball, and really our last year to have any Cox kids at Cedar Creek, so I'm trying to soak up every last minute of it I can. Life's really too short to blow off ball games.