It all started at Amanda's. I blame Amanda. (No, not really, but you get the gist).
It's been YEARS since I had played on a Wii, and this past weekend I was at Amanda's and she asked me to dance. On the Wii. I never thought I was cool enough to dance on a Wii before, but I sure as heck wasn't passing up the opportunity! It was a blast!
That's why I blame Amanda.
That next morning I went over to the big house (aka mom-n-dad's) to take THEIR Wii off their hands- brought it home, hooked it up, boom...I was 20 again. Well, eventually those games got boring, so went to Walmart to pick out the Dance game. This was so exciting! I had never in my LIFE bought a video game before! Wasn't til I came home, opened it up and slid it in the DVD slot that I realized I had done it wrong. Apparently games with "WiiU" have no working qualities in a plain-jane Wii. Poot.
Well, here comes the meat to this dish. This morning I had every intention of marching my butt right back to Walmart and exchanging it for something I figured WOULD feed my new obsession. Lady at exchange told me to go to lady at electronics. Ok, no big deal, right? WRONG. Boy, was I wrong.
FIRST OF ALL...this woman couldn't have smoked any less than the past 40 years of her life, and she was as kind as she was pretty. With the most "you're-wasting-my-time" look on her wrinkly face she exclaimed "You can exchange this for the exact same game, but you opened it, so no refunds."
Me: "I'm sorry, I've never done this before, and I had no idea this wouldn't work for my particular console."
The Hag: "Well OBVIOUSLY it has a 'U' on there, so you ain't gonna be able ta use it."
Now, this woman was about one eye-roll away from makin' a little Baptist cuss, so I took the stupid game from her hands and walked off.
How humiliating.
*I JUST WANNA DANCE DADGUMMIT!*
So, this afternoon I was determined to make things right one way or the other, so per request of a client, I ran over to Game Exchange (genius, right? Why didn't *I* think of that? Oh yeah, because I was a dumbass who didn't know a "U" from a hole-in-the-ground. Right.)
Anyway, walked in, explained how I had never bought a game before and apparently did it wrong, so I needed an exchange. Cool. Decided on the WiiFit. Hey, right up my ally. Got the foot pad and game and headed back home. I had another hour before my next client, so I thought I'd set it up and give this one a shot.
Here we go...
It worked! Hallelujah! Started on the body tests....which were kinda confusing, but I got through them. At the end...after all I had been through...after all the stress, and humiliation...this thing calculated that my body was overweight and I had the balance and coordination of a 40-year-old.
EXCUSE ME?!?
Ok, so let's recap:
1. I'm stupid because I don't know how to buy a video game.
2. I'm screwed because I can't exchange it.
3. I'm old because I have no balance and coordination.
4. I'm overweight because my BMI is SOL.
Think that about covers it.
Look, I make "fat girl" jokes about myself because I think they're funny, but when you're standing on some battery-powered "Fit pad" and you actually see the word "overweight" on your stats, spit gets real.
If anyone needs me I'll be in my house sittin, drinkin a coke on this here dern "fit pad."
